Thoughts, Poetry, & Random Babble

Two years... where does the time go?

2010-02-20T02:32:00.000-05:00

IT'S OFFICIAL!

My fiance and I have been together for two years. I feel on a day like today, that it is entirely acceptable to reminisce. I'll begin by talking about when we were little, considering that in the past two years we have discussed our lives extensively. :-)

When I was little my favorite movie to watch over and over and over again was Disney's Cinderella. I know, "how cliche?" But seriously, I watched this movie and dreamt about my prince charming, my wedding, and my fairytale ending. I pictured myself dancing in my princess dress with my tall dark and handsome prince. Though I didn't imagine the kissing part because at that point, boys still had cooties. The dreams of the perfect kiss came later on (MUCH LATER ON). That dream has stuck with my from the time I was 3 years old till now.

Christopher on the other hand has told me that his first dreams about a wedding was after watching the action romance film "Robin Hood" with Kevin Costner. He dreamt of finding his Maid Marian Dubois (Princess of the forest if you will) rescuing her from the opression of stupid men (Prince John and the Sheriff of Nottingham) and whisking her away to live happily ever after. After seeing that movie his idea of the perfect wedding was set in the forest or at least in nature with autumn leaves and flowers falling all around him and his princess. Now despite the differences in the movies their is a similarity in the underlying theme. Boy rescues girl, sweeps her off of her feet, and rides off into the sunset for a life of forever happiness. Granted the way things are going, our life will be more like Robin Hood the Cinderella, but hey a girl can dream... Either way I am happy, because either way I have my prince charming! :-)

Fast forward to age 16... ahhhh sweet sixteen, a time of blissful ignorance and curiosity. I met this boy in highschool... he worked at the local McDonalds and one of my friends had a huge crush on him and asked me to break the ice as she was very shy and flirtation retarded, so being who I was I did as she asked and then according to her rules I was forbayed from talking to him after their introduction. I would see him here and there, he even came into the restuarant that I was working at, and we would exchange smiles and a nod of aknowledgment but that was it.

A few years and several failed relationships later I decided to take a break from dating and did so for quite some time. I turned 21 and was able to go to the bars and met a new friend Amber. After adding her as a friend on facebook and myspace I randomly decided to browse her photos discovering a few photos with him in them. With no intentions of anything coming of it, I commented on my friend’s wall and asked her how she knew him and remarked on how gorgeous he was. A few weeks later I recieved a message from him asking details about me and exactly how we knew eachother. After exchanging a few messages here and there and establishing the connection between the two of us we decided to take it one step further and began talking on the phone. After conversing a few times via telephone and bouncing around the idea of hanging out some time we chose to set up a meeting... a date if you will.

Our first date, he took me to Ruby Tuesday which for those of you who don't know I HATE THAT PLACE. The only thing I liked on the menu was the soup and salad bar deal, thats the only thing I could choke down. He thought I was being one of those dumb girls who pretended that that was how I always ate, obviously thats not the case. After the first date... wow... we just had such amazing chemistry, I found everything about him so intriguing and attractive... he was just perfect! After seeing eachother and going out on dates for many weeks he asked me to be his girlfriend. Adorable story actually, and since this is my blog I say we have time for a short detour. We were sitting on my couch, at my house fully embraced in one another and watching a movie, though what movie I can't remember as I was more wrapped up in him than anything. He looked at me with those gorgeous brown eyes of his and said "So what are we doing here?" and then as I tilted my head to the side, you know as a dog does when he/she looks confused, and he said "I was just thinking, do you maye want to make this official?" and I asked "What do you mean?" to which he said, "What I'm trying to say..." and with a big gulp of anxiety he uttered, "Do you want to be my girlfriend?" SO CUTE! Right? To this day thinking about it makes me smile.

Fast forward again 1 year, 10 months, and 4 days (and a whole lot of crap later). It was Christmas Eve 2009. Chris had convinced me that he didn't have enough money to buy me what he really wanted to, which was an engagement ring. He had also led me to believe that he had bought me a necklace instead, which regardless of how beautiful or thoughtful the necklace was it was still bittersweet as we had been talking about getting engaged and getting married for a while. But, in an effort to not hurt his feelings and make him feel guilty about not being able to give me a ring I put the thought out of my mind completely (well as much as I could) and tried to focus on the holiday and what it truly meant, which by the way was celebrating "his" life and the fact that he was born and died to allow us to live the lives we do with our friends, family, and loved ones. Christmas Eve came, and Christopher came over after work to partake in the family Christmas party. He seemed a little antsy but I figured that it was just a bad day at work or something. Later on, my grandparents called everyone in the living room to make a toast, which was a bit unusual but I assumed that it was in retrospect to my parents who moved to Florida last year and by some miracle managed to make it for Christmas. They made their little toast and Chris told me that he couldn't wait anymore to give me my gift. He handed me a box that looked like it might have a necklace or bracelett in it. Begruggingly I opened the gift, "knowing" that it was only a necklace. As I opened the box a piece of paper fell out, and after I laughed at myself for dropping things without an ounce of booze in me (:-P) I bent over and picked up the piece of paper, noticed the writing, and read what it said. In his hand writing the words read, "Will you marry me?" and when I looked up he was down on one knee with the most beautiful engagement ring nestled in that wonderful little box every girl dreams of seeing one day. I shrieked and fell to my knees wrapping my arms tightly around his neck as my family clapped and did their traditional "WOO HOOs!" After several moments passed I let loose on my grip and looked at his smiling face with tears in my eyes, and being who he is he grinned and said "So is that a yes?" and I nodded giddily and hugged him tightly again. He placed my beautiful ring on my left ring finger and I knew right then and there that this was forever (I knew before that, but this really just solidified everything).

Now here we are. February 20th, 2010 and we are going to celebrate 2 crazy but wonderful years together in the customary "Chris & Ashley Way", with dinner and a movie. It may not be the most extravagant or exciting to anyone else, but to me it's the best... and I couldn't be happier doing anything with anyone else. And someday soon I will be Mrs. Christopher Heino Puding (go ahead and laugh), and we will celebrate this day as well as the day we marry from then until forever.

"To be your friend was all I ever wanted; to be your lover was all I ever dreamed."

~Valerie Lombardo~

Monday, Monday, so good to me?

2010-02-16T01:18:00.001-05:00

Well... my monday was ok... a pretty relaxed day... took some pictures for the future in-laws craigslist postings, did some grocery shopping, and watched some of my favorite shows with my adorable fiance! :-)

The weekend was also my idea of a perfect Valentine's with my favorite valentine of all time (yes that would be Mr. Puding)... We made an awesome dinner : Breaded/pan-fried chicken in a creamy tomato sauce with diced tomatos, garlic, onions, and spices, and covered in melted mozzerella cheese with a side of angel hair pasta... Then we enjoyed dinner and a movie "I Love You Man" and toasted our third Valentine's day together with our favorite champagne, Ballatore Spumante... I highly recommend it! And then the rest of the evening was spent enjoying fine wine, Amaretto & Coke, and season two of one of our new favorite shows The Big Bang Theory... LOVE IT!!! All together a fabulous evening, and then Sunday was spent with the Best Man and Maid of Honor of our wedding (Love you Rodney & Kristin)

I never thought I would see the day... the one friend that I hang out with most that I had in high school is one who I rarely spent anytime sober with... we generally were around one another during the standard "Casa de DiPace" parties. The funniest part of the whole thing is that when my now fiance met Rodney they both thrived on pissing one another off and wanting to ring eachother's bells (a metaphor for beating the crap out of someone) and for the month and a half that this feud went on I continued telling Chris that he and Rodney were too much alike and would eventually see eye to eye and be the best of friends to which I recieved a scoffed reply of "Yeah right!" And now... he is going to be Chris' best man at our wedding... ha ha ha ha ha, come on you're secretly amused...

Speaking of weddings, the longer it takes me to find a job the more depressed and worried I get... I know that in todays economy its extremely difficult to get a job, but seriously I have been looking for a job for almost a year. One that I will actually make money at! I honestly don't think that it's too much to ask for. I strive to do beyond my best at every job I do whether it be scholastic, professional, or other wise. I am a perfectionist by nature (both a gift and a curse I tell you) and want nothing more than to be given a chance to prove myself as a worthy employee. But I am never given the chance because of my age and lack of experience. I ask you this much, how does one expect you to have experience if nobody is willing to give you the opportunity to get some... Quite a conundrum I must say! It just grinds my gears to know that my age and lack of experience would keep a person such as myself from obtaining any form of a fighting chance at furthering myself, my life, and my future with Chris.

On the brightside, after not getting into the Sheriff's Department as secretary to the sheriff ad under sheriff I was a little bummed. But the head of the county's human resources department told me how impressed she was with my interviews and my professionalism and that if there was ever a position in the county that I was interested in she would do whatever she could to help me out in getting in. That made me feel a little bit better about myself, and slightly more confident in the concept that I may actually find a job in the near future.

Well that is all for me tonight, time to watch my favorite late night show The Ghost Whisperer! :-) I leave you with this quote...

"In the hopes of reaching the moon men fail to see the flowers that blossom at their feet."

Albert Schweitzer

PLEASE HELP!!!

2010-02-10T23:07:00.000-05:00

PLEASE HELP!

A month or so ago a house in Hartford NY burned to the ground. The owners had two dogs, a 5 yr. old Husky mix and a 5 yr. old yellow Lab mix, both very well trained and affectionate companions. They left them behind in an outdoor kennel with no food and no shelter. These poor animals have been cared for by a concerned and caring neighbor. He has fed and watered them, groomed them, and taken them out for walks. However owning pets of his own he cannot take them in and they have therfor been left out in the cold. These animals are in desperate need of loving homes. Please if you know someone or you yourself are interested in adopting or fostering these loving dogs, e-mail me with questions. I will be in direct contact with others partaking in the effort to get these dogs a home! my e-mail is dipacea86@gmail.com. This is not one of those stories that have no factual base, this is a real situation in need of immediate assistance. PLEASE HELP!!!

Sincerely,

Ashley M. DiPace

My Knight in Shining Armor

2010-02-04T01:07:00.002-05:00

Just when you think he's the one... he goes and proves himself again! :-) Man what a week we have been through... Wednesday just passed and already it's been quite the shit-storm. To be honest, I don't know what I would have done without him... he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He's my rock, my support system, some days the only thing that makes me want to wake up in the morning. We have been through so much in the two years (as of Feb. 20) that we have been together... good and bad, great and awful, and we're still together and our love for eachother continues to grow. Next year I will be his wife and he will be my husband, and our bond will be both eternal and legal :-)... I couldn't be happier to have found my soulmate and know that for the rest of my life my heart will belong to him.

Somedays I find myself deep in thought, and it never fails they're always about him. I have never been so concerned with another person's happiness and welfare, I suprise myself with the lengths I am willing to go to to make sure that both are fully intact. But don't fool yourself he goes to the same extremes to ensure the very same beatitude. The love between us is something that I never imagined could happen to me, not in my wildest dreams. Thank God it did! I couldn't make it through half the days and most of the nights without him in my life. And no matter what our wedding (however inexpensive it will be) is going to be the greatest most amazing day of my life because it will be with him... I will love you forever Christopher Heino Puding!

Here is a poem that I wrote specifically for him...

In a Perfect World
Here's my hand,
take it.
Let's run away
into the sunsets,
like in fairytales.
You'll be my prince,
my knight in shining armor.
We'll travel the earth,
picnic ontop of pyramids,
swim in the sea,
and lay in white sands.
Oh sweet knight,
I beg of you to rescue me
from this world of judgement
and cruelty.
Let us escape,
to a world all our own.
-Ashley DiPace-

The Love Drug
Joined hands,
melted hearts,
the warmth I feel,
when I'm in your arms,
it's unmeasureable.
The butterflies
within my stomach,
they flit an flutter
whenever you're near.
You hold me close
and my body starts to shiver.
I close my eyes
and I can see the future,
you and me
swimming in a sea of ecstasy,
together
and in love.
-Ashley DiPace-

"There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved."

- George Sand -

Another Night Another Dream Awaits You

2010-01-29T02:23:00.000-05:00

Yes the link is to the song that my title is refering to... its funny to me because random songs pop into my head all of the time no rhyme or reason... anyways enough about my ADD...

My Thoughts Today:

-Just when you think things are starting to look up something comes along to kick you in the face and say "Hello, are you kidding me? You're not that lucky!" My job search continues, as it has for the past 5 months... Application after Application, resume after resume, honestly the whole thing is tedious and depressing... and what is the government doing with their money?! PUTTING IN A HIGH SPEED RAIL WAY!!! News flash Obama... nobody uses the train anymore, if we aren't commuting by plane, it's by bus or car... seriously! Oh "it will create more jobs" blah blah blah... Well what about people like me I am not capable of nor would I work on a rail road... So where is my work? Where is my chance to be part of society? I have college loans to pay back, for a degree that has obviously gotten me no where... Where is the justce in that? Oh and income taxes... I would like to know what megalomaniac came up with that idea... "Let's pay the government lots and lots of money and only see half of it, or for some pay even more!" I have one word for that person, STUPID! Seriously... we are giving the government money money money and yet nobody is seeing anything for it... except a STUPID RAILWAY!!! Sorry I just can't get over how "useful" my tax dollars are in the hands of sheer ignorance...

-I think I would like to become a cake decorator... like on the cake boss. Part of me wishes that I could have done that instead of going to college for the ridiculous major that I did. I really enjoy it, and with no training/education and limited resources/tools I think I do a pretty good job! For example, I do all of the birthday cakes for my family, and one that I was particularly happy with the end result was my 4 year old cousin's most recent cake. It's a 'Handy Manny' Cake after his favorite show on the disney channel. See below:

This is a website to show you the actual character...

http://tv.disney.go.com/playhouse/handymanny/index.html

Doing something like this would make me truly happy, seeing as whenever I am heavily stressed I bake. Also the final product always gives me a sense of pride and accomplishment, things I think most people hope to achieve at least once in their lifetime.

- My positive note... I am going on Monday to David's Bridal to get fitted for my wedding gown! :-) I am so happy I could cry! (happy tears of course) If nothing else I have my dress! Hopefully the money will fall into place SOON!!! (I hope I hope I hope I hope) My interview today went well but I am still nervous as hell! Something's gotta give right? I pray to God!

Well that's all for tonight... I leave you with my quote of the day...

"Throughout the Bible, God shows a marked preference for 'real' people over 'good' people."

- Philip Yancey -

Blog Virgin

2010-01-28T00:30:00.001-05:00

Let me start out by saying this is my first time ever blogging. I am always overrun with thoughts and information that to most is useless and annoying. SO... after talking to several people who blog they suggested that I try it as it seems to be very therapeutic. "It's a way to get your thoughts out there without worrying about boring someone with them, if people don't want to read it they won't and if they do they will." A very interesting statement that I pondered for quite some time and finally decided what the hell... why not?

My Thoughts Today:

-It's funny how someone you have known your whole life, who was a seemingly thoughtful and caring person and supposedly loved you can change by merely uprooting their lives and the lives of those near and dear to you. I have always been the "forgive but never forget" type, and now that stream of conscience has led me to lose all respect for this person. Anyone willing to make so many good people endure a life of loneliness, insecurity, instability, and heart ache for their own selfish purposes, to reign as king in a floundering kingdom of lies and despair. I don't have it in my heart to hate, because I am a good person. But I strongly dislike everything being done and the person that you're becoming. I can deal with change but not when it's from good to bad... Fate and destiny has a way of catching up with you no matter how fast or how far you run... Oddly enough this thought transcends into my next one...

-"Bad things happen to good people" I don't know if there is any truer of a statement. It pains me to watch my family and friends (who by the way are good people) suffer. Money problems, family turmoil, and relationship issues... It's an awful thing to have to watch those close to your heart struggle to cope and lose hope... In today's world that's what many of us live on, it's the only thing that makes us get up in the morning... A glimmering hope for a better day then yesterday... Depressing? I should say so!

-On a positive note (I'm going to make that my mission to end on a positive note every time, 'no promises though!') I am 99.99999% positive that I have found my wedding gown! You know... I never thought that I would be one of those girls... You know the ones you see in movies or on those shows on TLC and WE TV (which by the way I am OBSESSED with) where they get all giddy and sappy... But I did! I was giddy as a school girl ha ha ha... The dress is perfect! My Cinderella-Fairytale-Dream gown! If anyone cares to look its on http://www.davidsbridal.com/ and in the top right hand corner you will see a box to punch in style numbers and keywords etc. punch in T9513... I am smiling from ear to ear just writing about it!

Well thats all for now, and my friends were right... This is the perfect outlet for me! I feel better already!

I end my first blog post with an inspirational quote, which I think I am going to make a regular occurence (sort of my signature)

"The future depends on what we do in the present."

- Mahatma Gandhi -